Skill hacking: Girls, dancing, health and fitness, job searching (in ...

In over my head, and loving it

In the course of this year, I?ve read lots of interesting material, and decided that I was going to master some new skills. It?s well and good to write about making music, since I have more than ten years of experience, but what about things that I?m currently ?bad? at, and wish I wasn?t?

If it?s one thing I?ve learned from reading about psychology, pedagogics and personal development, is that pretty much anything can be learned, despite what school (kind of) makes you believe. If there?s something I don?t master, it?s not my destiny at all ? it?s a matter of really putting your ego aside, seeking out some good resources ? online or locally, accepting your level, and enjoying the process as much as possible.

I am by no means an expert in the field of skill acquisition psychology ? these are just anecdotes, and are probably inaccurate and incomplete. Don?t take my word for things: Question everything, seek out knowledge yourself.

This is a very long and somewhat incoherent post, but it all magically relates to music production and creativity (I hope).

Test your assumptions! / Just going through the basics is impactful

I don?t remember where I read this, but I think someone said just reading a couple of books on any subject gives you more knowledge on the topic than the majority of the population. That?s a hugely empowering thought.

A lot of people have strong assumptions and opinions, but lately I?ve found myself really tempted to ask them ?Have you actually read up on the topic? Have you looked at it from different perspectives? Have you tested your assumptions??. ? ?Oh well, that?s just the way it is? is a perfect attitude when it comes to the weather or which day it is? ? but a horrible attitude for things you can do something about!

And ironically enough, people will easily complain about it being monday and how much it?s raining, while refusing to acknowledge their power to exert control over most areas of their life. ?Math just isn?t for me? for example, or ?I?m just not very practically-minded?, ?I?ll never be able to speak french?. Those are examples of assumptions that I?ve had, and I still haven?t done something about, but at least now I know that they?re not my destiny at all. Learning a language for example can be done in a couple of months.

I?ve previously written about how I learned music, and it might be easy to dismiss me or other producers as naturally gifted, or having it in us. True, I?ve always shown some predisposition for creative self-expression, but is other people?s absent predisposition why they?d fail, or is it limiting beliefs? It doesn?t help anyone to attribute any uniqueness to me or themselves. I?ve never been practically-minded, but I won?t let that stop me in the future.

Example 1: Girls

I?ll get right to the juicy stuff. For a long time, attractive girls were the scariest thing I knew. At age 21, I hadn?t even kissed a girl. I always knew I had several good traits like personality, humor, creativity, intelligence, spontaneity, charm, looks, etc. Basically all the things girls supposedly want, but not necessarily what they go for. (And of course, I was too nervous/shy/clueless to show my good sides).

Seeing how many guys, both similar and very different to me didn?t have such problems, I should have put my ego aside and asked myself ?Okay, what?s going on here? What are they doing that I?m not? Let?s find out!?. Instead, it went more along the lines of ?Okay, what?s going on here? This sucks; it?s not fair.? ? end of story.

It didn?t help hearing unsolicited well-intentioned advice like ?Just be yourself?, ?You?ll find a great girl eventually?, ?There?s no rush? or older relatives asking if I have a girlfriend (yet).

Not until I changed my perspective on learning things, did improvement happen. I had been frustrated about this area of my life for years, but I had never even taken the time to seek any information at all about how attraction or social dynamics works. Why not? I have no idea!

Very oversimplifiedly speaking, the things I wasn?t doing include: Taking the lead in interactions, being curious about them rather than worrying about myself, appropriate physical contact, creating tension, what masculinity means, communicating clearly; the list goes on and on ? all natural simple things that I was not doing at all. I?ve had so many a-ha moments about this topic that I?m stunned.

This is of course an area where bullshit advice is all over the place ? manipulation and routines aren?t the answer, and that?s what I used to associate with improving one?s abilities with girls. Luckily, there?s similarly great information out there. You should of course search around on your own, and find what suits you. For me personally, the most valuable resources have been:

Having all this knowledge is well and good, and it has truly enriched my life and put my mind at ease, but I still haven?t properly looked into dating or networking. Actively going out to meet people, I mean. I?ve made lots of friends before, so in a sense, I guess I kind of know how to network, only not actively. I?ve been more of the ?tag along? guy, which is good, but I think there?s even more.

Dating (or simply ?meeting girls?) on the other hand is new to me. The thought is kind of scary, but I?m convinced that actively meeting more people would be tons of fun and build tons of character, especially since I already have a little knowledge about it! Yeah buddy!

Pushing my comfort zone and putting things to the test (you can?t win Mr. Olympia, you can?t act, you can?t become governor, etc.) sounds like a pretty bad-ass way of living.

Example 2: Dancing

When I moved to a new place this autumn, I decided that I would learn how to dance, primarily swing and salsa. I have a great sense of rhythm, which is of course very useful, but I?m mostly a good ol? noob. Where should my arms and feet go?

Why do I want to learn how to dance? Firstly, it?s a gentleman?s skill ? and I am indeed rather classy quite indubitably. Secondly, in the event of ending up on a dancefloor, I want to go beyond fistpumping, grinding and randomly-spinning-her-around. Thirdly, to meet new people. Fourthly, it feels good, man. Fifthly, so I can dance swing or salsa in the music creation process.

I did a beginner?s salsa class in Peru, and actually got pretty good at it, but I was too scared to go out there and practice it beyond the comfort of step-by-step instructions. It?s all forgotten now. Swing is just something that was briefly touched upon in junior high. I didn?t want to take a beginner?s course again, only to forget it. I heard similar stories, about beginners who are too afraid of taking what they?ve learned to the real world.

The local dance club arranges dancing gatherings every monday. Surrounded by pros with only a tiny beginner?s course; I didn?t know enough stuff! The first time, I went there alone, and I got totally overwhelmed by my feeling of inadequate skills. I mostly just sat there, looking at skilled people doing skilled stuff, feeling intimidated. Sad panda.

Thinking about the situation, I came to the conclusion that I?m a hypocrite. I release an e-book, telling people to ditch perfectionism and enjoy themselves regardless of skill level, and here I am, just sitting there! In addition, what if the girls thought ?Why isn?t that guy asking me to dance? Is it me?? ? I decided to take my own advice, and enjoy the hell out of the next event.

And it worked! My skill level hadn?t increased at all, but I spent the majority of the time on the floor. Improvising and having fun can make up for lack of skills. Just think about it ? my level is what it is ? taking myself seriously would make it unenjoyable for both me and her, while playing around and being creative ensures that my beginner?s level isn?t a big deal at all. Skill hacking!

Yes, it?s intimidating to put oneself in situations where everyone?s better than you, but that?s exactly why I?m going to really learn how to dance, and the others who attended the beginner?s course, won?t.

Example 3: Health and fitness

Earlier this autumn, I joined the local CrossFit gym. It?s about a variety of strength, aerobic and movement training; so-called functional movements. There aren?t any mirrors, machines or TVs, there are trainers present, and we train in small groups. I chose it because I wanted to make sure I?m doing things correctly, and it?s nice to meet others who are interested in training.

My squats and deadlifts are strong, but I?m mostly the worst at everything else. Guys twice my age and girls younger than me beat me at strength, stamina and of course mobility. Struggling with the same kettlebells as the skinny blonde next to you is really a humbling experience.

Yet, this doesn?t bother me at all. I don?t compare myself much with others. The things I struggled with a couple of months ago are a piece of cake now. Burpees are managable. Harder, better, faster, stronger. I still get my ass kicked every single time if comparing myself to the other ones there, but as mentioned earlier in the post, just going through the basics raises me above the majority of the population. Since this is more of an individual activity, I find the mental aspects easier to deal with in general.

The area of health and fitness is one where I?ve previously had my assumptions proven wrong. As a teenager, I was ill a lot, and got slightly overweight as a result. I didn?t question the assumption that my asthma medicine was still necessary, and it didn?t occur to me that changes in what I eat (less damn bread, more meat and fruits+vegetables) is more important than the old fallacy of ?calories in vs. calories out? or ?fat makes you fat?.

Although it didn?t help, visiting doctors was of course what anyone would do, but I didn?t look up any information myself, at all! Maybe it was the notion of the internet having lots of unreliable information, but damn, educating oneself, testing things, asking people and thinking critically are vital skillsets to develop, especially nowadays!

My health is now good, and also, I used to have long-lasting annoying colds all the time, but there have been none since I stopped eating grains. It?s still a vast area of topics I?m eager to learn more about. And of course, don?t take my word for things ? research things on your own.

Example 4: Job searching

As I wrote a month back, I quit my studies, and so now I?m looking for a job, since my savings won?t last forever. I?ll get back to this one once I?ve actually applied what I?ve learned the past days. One thing?s for sure though: My strategy so far has been ineffective: E-mails, job fairs, submitting resum?s, waiting ? basically mostly delegating the task of finding a job to others, and doing the exact same thing as everyone else.

The past couple of days, I?ve gone through much of New York Times author Ramit Sethi?s material on topics like job searching, behavioural psychology, networking, understanding what people want, interviewing, and so on. In this example too, I?ve had so many eye-openers. In fact, his emphasis on testing things partly inspired me to write this post.

I?m very much looking forward to putting it all to the test. I?ve only ever been in school, and had a couple of summer jobs, but being armed with the right knowledge and testing my assumptions sounds like it should give me a significant advantage to most people.

I?ll be in way over my head, and my past self would have concluded that I?m not ready. Not now though: Skill hacking is a much cooler approach.

How does this all relate to music production?

Is this even a music production blog anymore? Heh; I guess so. Here are a few relevant chapters from my e-book:

?1.3 Wizards have more fun than producers:? Realising it?s more about your mindset than the things you do.
?1.6 You?re not your genre: Woods vs. Disneyland??: Not labelling yourself or your surroundings.
?1.7 What do you stand for?? ? Questioning the status quo.
?2.1 Perfectionism is for suckers? ? I know it to be true in music production ? there?s never one point in time when you?re suddenly skilled. Imperfect action beats perfection paralysis.
?2.2 I?ve never improved? ? Life is a playground. It?s disgustingly cheesy, but I imagine it?s kind of true. If you can have fun, you win.
?2.3 Stop taking yourself so seriously part I: You?re insignificant? ? Enough said.
?3.4 The loudness war: Whispering and shouting at the same volume? ? Just because everyone is doing something doesn?t make it right.
?4 Resources? ? Other people! You?re not a unique snowflake who can figure it all out on your own.

^ I don?t know; something like that. The next post will be more music production-y.

These topics are of course far larger ones than what I normally write about. Again, my experience here is very limited ? question everything, seek knowledge on your own, don?t take my word for it.

Do you go with the flow and assume things? Do you say ?Oh well, that?s just how it is.? rather than ?Is that really how it is? Let?s find out!?? Is there more to music production than 128 BPM sidechain progressive house boredomness? Have you proven yourself wrong before in your music or life in general?

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Source: http://kristiansmusicproductionblog.com/skill-hacking/

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